its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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