you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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