I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
