You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
