Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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