My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
