just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
