Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
