I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
