Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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