I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
