is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
