it was like his penis was on wheels.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
