the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize