We're facebook friends in real life
I skipped work to stalk him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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