I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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