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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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