I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
