I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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