It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
