If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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