I'm drive I can fine osifer
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They took my balls.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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