no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
