"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
