no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
