my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
