her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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