I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize