I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
