DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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