Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
