Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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