did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize