what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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