just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
