other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
