hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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