i just made my gag reflex go away.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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