how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize