i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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