So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
