i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
