In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
