It's like God shit irony all over that family
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
