I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
