Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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