Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
