i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
