I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
