Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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