you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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