she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
