He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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