so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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