You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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