I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
