all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize