"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
