im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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