What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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