If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
