If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
