Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize