My liver just broke up with me...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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