haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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