Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
